The Wedding Speeches

Famous Fat Dave (David Freedenberg) gives a great toast at his brother, Josh’s, wedding (and he pulled the Duff move from “November Rain” handing over the ring).

Also watch “Famous Fat Dave’s Five Borough Eating Tour on the Wheels of Steel”
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOBzoGJV8N8 )

The Speech:
I’m gonna soak this up. I love it. I love everbody here. I might not have met you before, but I love somebody who loves you. Everybody here is connected to me by one degree of love. I love you. I know I’m not supposed to use this as a political platform, but it’s election year, next year. I want everyone to vote Al Sharpton. Al Sharpton ‘04.

The people who know me and Josh the best are here. Everybody is here. Everybody is here right now. And it’s all happening. And the people who know us remember that Josh used to beat the crap out of me. Josh used to beat the crap out of me on a daily basis. And it wasn’t just when I 5 and he was 10. Or when I was 10 and he was 15. But it was when I was 15 and he was 20. Or I was 17 and he was 22. It went on for a long time. But the people who still know us, everybody here again know that we’re best friends now. We’re friends. We’re friends now. But I want to take you back to a time when Josh still beat the crap out of me. I’m going to tell you a story. I want you to picture it: Sicily 1933. Alright, okay. Picture: Jerusalem 1994, a year after the Oslo Peace Accords, which I’m sure we all here know made everybody in the Middle East love everybody forever. So the family took a trip to Jerusalem in 1994. There was good times in the Middle East. Wait on second (takes a drink) and we were in Jerusalem in the Old Quarter. I don’t know if we’ve ever spoken of this since it happened, but we got lost. Very lost. Very lost. And we were in the Arab section, the Palestinian section because this is a divided city. It’s like Vienna 1946. So it’s divided and we look around, there’s no one around. And Josh is thinking “What are we gonna do? I don’t…” and we’re just standing there and then I get hit in the back of the head REALLY hard by a stone. And it’s not, like a Palestinian (mimicks throwing stone lightly). This is one of those (mimicks winding up 3 times and throwing). Like one of those. And I get hit in the back of the head and it hurt. It hurt. It hurt. And the rest of the story is fuzzy because I got stoned in Jerusalem. I got stoned in Jerusalem with Josh and I turn around and I’m hit in the back of the head and I see the stone bouncing away and I turn to Josh, I don’t see the Palestinian youth who threw it at me. I don’t think it was Mohammad Abbas. And Josh, this is a time when he used to beat me, but Josh was a big brother about it. And I turned to Josh and I say, “Josh I got hit in the back of the head with a stone. It hurt.” And Josh says, “Really?!?” And I said “Yes.” And he says, “Let’s go!” And he grabs me and we go, i mean it’s fuzzy, I don’t remember what happened, but we made it. And Josh was the big brother, who even when he used to beat me up, he was a big brother who took care of me. And I vaguely remember seeing some Hasidic Jews and Josh says “Follow those Jews!” And we went and we made it and there was Mom and Dad and we made it out of the Palestinian Quarter alive. And here I am today. It could have been the end. So my point is even though Josh used to beat the crap out of me on a daily basis, especially on vacation, he was always a big brother. And Tracy you’re my big sister now. And I love everybody here, but I love you two the best.

I’m gonna end now. It’s good that I’m drunk because I’d be really nervous because everyone’s looking at me. Everyone’s looking at me. (to woman on side) I love you. I love everybody here. Okay, I’m gonna end and I’m gonna end with a quote, and you knew I was going to end with a quote, from The Boss, who said in Nebraska in 1982, “Nothin feels better than blood on blood.” Joe Roberts, the best song he ever wrote about a brother. (woman says “Will you sing it for us?”) (Dave singing) My name is Joe Roberts I work for the state. I’m a sergeant out of Perrineville barracks number 8. I always done an honest job as honest as I could. I got a brother named Davey and Davey ain’t no good. (stops singing) Alright and I’ll quote myself now. Freshman year, NYU, Rosh Hashana, you remember what I said, La Maela, Italian restaurant with the Cuban Jews from Texas. And I want you to all say it with me. You know what I’m going to say. This is it. I’m going out on this. It’s Hebrew. Can you do it? L’CHIAM!!!

Duration : 0:8:39

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